Hey there.
Just want to express my feelings somewhere.
I haven't been attached for the longest while. I am starting to feel that it is because i am anti-social, intimidating to some of my guy friends, and not very appealing.
I guess those are the reasons why. But I am not bitter about it. I believe that I will still able to find someone who loves and likes me for me.
I've put myself on tinder, on coffee meets bagel. I dont know how well these apps work in an Asian community but we shall see how it goes.
What I want to say is that I have this guy friend, he is one year younger than me. Still persuing his degree, whereas I've graduated. But this guy friend, frequently chats with me. I am not sure why he speaks that much to me. I am not sure why i speak that much to him either. We met each other via our CCA in university. We weren't even talking when I was still in it. We used to be chatting and texting each other daily the beginning of this year. I dont know how we progressed to chatting and texting so frequently. But it died how a little due to his finals.
I am not sure if we will chat up again after his exams but if we do, will we progress to more than just friends?
I am not sure.
I have guy friends that are really friendly to me on instagram chats. He sometimes will reply or say something funny on the things I post. but he wasnt interested in me. in fact he recently got attached to another girl. So I am not sure what that first guy thinks about when he texts me.
But for that guy that I have been chatting frequently with. I am not sure how he felt about me. I feel that sometimes he will take the initiative to start the conversation first. and maybe i dont text and talk to that many people now after i've entered the work force, i noticed that he text me quite frequently.
I am really confused by my relationship with him. I have actually went out alone with him on an event. Actually he needed to run some errands for school so he asked me to accompany him to get the items. and after that he sent me an article about iLight at Marina Bay and I just said ' lets go!' I guess its a casual way of asking him out.
i think all the conversations i had with him was quite shallow and personal. its not like we are talking about our life goals or something or getting in a relationship.
But i am not sure if i and him will proceed on to be more than friends. I am not sure if I should even hope that things will work out with me and him. I like to think that i should not put my hopes high and just wait for something to happen between me and him.
I dont know. i suddenly feel that i am desperate to get into a relationship. :/
Monday, 8 May 2017
Monday, 1 May 2017
13 Reasons Why
Hey there,
Its the Labour Day weekend.
I've basically done nothing for the past 3 days except to sleep, tinder, binge watch netflix.
The film that got me hooked up was 13 Reason Why.
Watching the film made me ponder; made me emo; made me reflect.
But prior to that I had a meeting with my line manager with regards to my career goals long term. And I realised that I have no idea what I want to achieve out of my fucking life. I have no idea what to do. I am just living like a robot - sleep; wake up; work; eat.
I have no goals; no aspirations; no dreams.
While watching the film, my initial thoughts were that it isn't meant for kids. I mean, the kiss scenes; sex scenes; over use of profanities.
In one of the episodes, which I forgotten which, the male lead, Clay, said that "fuck" was a pretty amazing word. And it is so damn true! It can be used in almost every context. Just add 'fuck' in every sentence and it is still being used correctly.
To all the viewers of this film, I strongly recommend that you watch that special episode where they interviewed the producers and the casts on this film and you will understand the purpose of the film, and the message they want to bring across. Because this film is more than just 13 reasons why Hannah died, its about society, its about how we handle things, its about the stress each and every one faces time to time.
I feel that the experiences Hannah been through isn't something I have gone through myself.
But during this weekend where I binge watched the entire film, it made me think.
Clearly from my previous catch up with my line manager, I have no fucking idea what I want to do with my life. Apart of me felt that I was a good student, I can study, I can memorise and ace exams. Which is a skill I have developed over the years - to understand the type of questions that lecturers ask in exams; pin point what type of questions will be asked and eventually develop this skill to answer exam questions and give them what they want.
I guess that's all I am capable of.
My social life wasn't that great. I am not a very socialable person. In fact, I think I am quite anti-social. I haven't had a boyfriend for the longest time and as I am approaching the age of 25, I think that there is something wrong with my social skills and that no body wants to speak with me and that nobody can match me.
My financial status is quite okay. Its not like Hannah's family in the film where $700 is a great deal. I mean losing $700 is a big deal. But its not like I only have $700 of liquid assets. I am able to live comfortably.
I guess what I want to say is that I am very lost in my life now.
Watching 13 Reasons Why made me reflect and question if I have depression. made me think about facing my problems.
and writing this post actually made me feel better, as I am listing down the problems, the feelings I have regarding my current situation.
Listing them down made me understand why I feel this way now.
Its a lot better that hiding it all in me, feeling lost and depressed.
I guess I am not at a stage where I need to seek help yet. But I felt that it is good that this is a safe platform for me to share my feelings.
X
peace out.
Monday, 2 January 2017
Lost, unsure, full of unsecurities.
Hi it's me.
As I recalled, the last time I posted was during my unemployment. Just a quick update on my life, I'm employed!
I am currently a full time employee in a MNC and working on the back end of clinical trials.
Work is fine, decent pay, good location (45 minutes from my house), decent career progression opportunities.
It isn't fantabulous neither is it a crap working environment, it's just fine.
So moving on from education, I've gotten myself a job which I see myself in for probably 3 years? With the intention of using the skills I've obtained n venture to greater grounds.
Currently I've been working for 3 full months, tomorrow is the start of the 4th month working at my current position and I'm still struggling to find a balance between work n life.
Especially life.
Currently I've nothing to look forward to after work, I exercise once a week with my best friend from my university times, and meet up with random friends once in a while. Other than that, I've no other plans.
No boyfriend. No classes. Nothing much.
I think I'm too used to looking forward to something after classes everyday and now I feel empty not having any commitments.
In addition, with the lack of a partner, I might be left on the shelf and may die alone without a partner. As with my social life right now, there is no opportunities to meet guys or hang out with new people.
And just before typing this post, I was actually googling "what to do when you are single af" this shows how screwed up I am with my life. T.T
Oh wells.
Just suddenly feeling very emotional that I am required to pen my feelings down.
Bye.
As I recalled, the last time I posted was during my unemployment. Just a quick update on my life, I'm employed!
I am currently a full time employee in a MNC and working on the back end of clinical trials.
Work is fine, decent pay, good location (45 minutes from my house), decent career progression opportunities.
It isn't fantabulous neither is it a crap working environment, it's just fine.
So moving on from education, I've gotten myself a job which I see myself in for probably 3 years? With the intention of using the skills I've obtained n venture to greater grounds.
Currently I've been working for 3 full months, tomorrow is the start of the 4th month working at my current position and I'm still struggling to find a balance between work n life.
Especially life.
Currently I've nothing to look forward to after work, I exercise once a week with my best friend from my university times, and meet up with random friends once in a while. Other than that, I've no other plans.
No boyfriend. No classes. Nothing much.
I think I'm too used to looking forward to something after classes everyday and now I feel empty not having any commitments.
In addition, with the lack of a partner, I might be left on the shelf and may die alone without a partner. As with my social life right now, there is no opportunities to meet guys or hang out with new people.
And just before typing this post, I was actually googling "what to do when you are single af" this shows how screwed up I am with my life. T.T
Oh wells.
Just suddenly feeling very emotional that I am required to pen my feelings down.
Bye.
Thursday, 15 September 2016
Rants of a jobless fresh graduate
Hi there.
Here I am, still jobless. Doing This and That everyday.
When I say this and that, I meant getting stressed with unemployment, scrolling social media and be jealous of my fellow peers that has a job, doing nothing and wasting my day, getting fat being a couch potato.
Yesterday, during my usual facebook scroll, I chanced upon two posts by The Straits Times singapore which explains my situation.
At the end of the day, I want to add that I am still on a hunt for a job, for employment but this hunt is making me a better person, stronger person. As the song lyrics say: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
To those readers that are on the same page as me right now, or maybe in the future to anyone who reads this, press on. Finding a job is a process, it may or may not be easy but it will change you and help you rediscover yourself.
-end of rant, bye. I need to prepare for an interview that I have tomorrow. and if I am not wrong, its the 10th interview I have attended this year, 5th since graduation.-
Here I am, still jobless. Doing This and That everyday.
When I say this and that, I meant getting stressed with unemployment, scrolling social media and be jealous of my fellow peers that has a job, doing nothing and wasting my day, getting fat being a couch potato.
Yesterday, during my usual facebook scroll, I chanced upon two posts by The Straits Times singapore which explains my situation.
Nearly 3 in 4 Singapore employers have zero plans to hire more staff in Q4: Survey
With the local papers having news about the poor economy and that some companies have ZERO plans to hire. I am at a disadvantage. Being a fresh grad, with little industry experience I am at disadvantage as compared to those with work experience. In addition. finding my dream job was my dream during my paper qualification pursue. During the entire time as a student, all I was dreaming about was having a job, having money to buy what I want, doing something important at work and that studying hard was the first step to helping me achieve my goals.
However, this dream is a dream. Reality is not as perfect as what I dreamt. I have been unemployed and this tiring search of the dream first job is not glamorous.
On a daily basis,
- I wake up at 10am in hopes of HR to call me during the office hours.
- Submit my applications to multiple positions on a weekly basis on various job portals and emailing to various companies directly.
- Text my friends (who have 1 year contract jobs) on how stressed I am doing nothing and not working
- Stressing myself for not working or not being able to find work while comparing myself to my peers or acquaintances comparing myself to their success.
- Doing some random shit that has zero relevance to my future job which includes typing this blog post.
Also on a social get together setting (eg family dinners, dinner with friends),
- I get the taboo question of "do you have a job yet, when do you start work"
- People asking if it is hard to find a job
- People saying that they are afraid of their future after seeing me being unemployed for so long after graduation
- Also, there are people that tell me to take my time to search, opportunities do not arrive after the first interview, first application, and that it is normal to go for multiple interviews before landing myself in a job.
- There are also people that tell me to take my time to search, as once I enter the work force, its my life and I would not have any other chances to rest like now, while I am young
Through meeting up with so many people, talking to so many people with different points of views and being unemployed for so long. I am a changed person.
I am no longer the same person I was when I was a student.
I am not longer the same person I was when I just finished my degree.
I am no longer the same person I was when I was just a 1 week old fresh graduate.
At the end of the day, I want to add that I am still on a hunt for a job, for employment but this hunt is making me a better person, stronger person. As the song lyrics say: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
To those readers that are on the same page as me right now, or maybe in the future to anyone who reads this, press on. Finding a job is a process, it may or may not be easy but it will change you and help you rediscover yourself.
-end of rant, bye. I need to prepare for an interview that I have tomorrow. and if I am not wrong, its the 10th interview I have attended this year, 5th since graduation.-
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Tuesday, 13 September 2016
no title
Hi.
I am still unemployed, been to multiple interviews but have yet to receive offers.
I went for a family lunch over the weekend and I saw my mum texting my aunt not to ask me about jobs.
I am still unemployed, been to multiple interviews but have yet to receive offers.
I went for a family lunch over the weekend and I saw my mum texting my aunt not to ask me about jobs.
Wednesday, 7 September 2016
11 random things
Hi.
Just a random post
- people are shocked by my unemployment.
- people like me don't like to READ blog posts. (i prefer images like instagram)
- random grab bags sold are a waste of money (you dont know what you will get. so basically you are just throwing money to the seller to give whatever she wants)
- i just spent 5 minutes digging my ears because it was suddenly so itchy.
- i picture myself being an OL (office lady)
- sometimes i don't feel like replying to certain people.
- with unemployment, i am getting back into calligraphy.
- i realised, to have a beautifully instagram-worthy calligraphy work requires a lot of behind-the-scenes doodles and trial-and-errors.
- my sitting posture is so bad recently that i get headaches
- i need to do a facial
- i did consider doing youtube or like to be an influencer on social media. but my photo editing skills sucks and i cant take nice pictures.
end.
Wednesday, 3 August 2016
Graduation
Hi!
I have officially graduated from my University and have officially obtained my degree on the 1st of August!
However, because I have done internship instead of Final Year Project, I officially completed my degree on a later date than those whom have done FYP. Resulting in my degree certificate to not be ready for collection during my convocation and I was emailed today (2 days after my convocation) that my certificate is ready for collection. Thanks NTU, whats the purpose of convocation when I can't get all the relevant certificates on that day and that I needed to make an extra trip down to collect it.
But anyhow, the lame-ness of the issue is not the purpose of this post.
While I made the extra trip down to school to collect my certificate, it hit me that I have worked so hard in the past 3 years for this piece of paper I am holding. A piece of paper.
There are definitely memories, photos, friendships, good times, bad times and last but not least the piece of paper.
At that moment, I am like WOW this is the end huh. The end of the legendary paper chase.
-end of random reflection-
I have officially graduated from my University and have officially obtained my degree on the 1st of August!
However, because I have done internship instead of Final Year Project, I officially completed my degree on a later date than those whom have done FYP. Resulting in my degree certificate to not be ready for collection during my convocation and I was emailed today (2 days after my convocation) that my certificate is ready for collection. Thanks NTU, whats the purpose of convocation when I can't get all the relevant certificates on that day and that I needed to make an extra trip down to collect it.
But anyhow, the lame-ness of the issue is not the purpose of this post.
While I made the extra trip down to school to collect my certificate, it hit me that I have worked so hard in the past 3 years for this piece of paper I am holding. A piece of paper.
There are definitely memories, photos, friendships, good times, bad times and last but not least the piece of paper.
At that moment, I am like WOW this is the end huh. The end of the legendary paper chase.
-end of random reflection-
Friday, 22 July 2016
Author Recommendation
Hi all,
As my hunt for my career continues, I have resumed to reading during my free time and recently, through a facebook post by a friend of an article 53 books you will not be able to put down , I went to the library to hunt them down.
Unfortunately, most of the books in the list were either not available in the library I went to or have been borrowed out. But one of the authors in the list was Octavia Butler. Which reminded me that she is a "not bad" author and that I liked her writing.
As my hunt for my career continues, I have resumed to reading during my free time and recently, through a facebook post by a friend of an article 53 books you will not be able to put down , I went to the library to hunt them down.
Unfortunately, most of the books in the list were either not available in the library I went to or have been borrowed out. But one of the authors in the list was Octavia Butler. Which reminded me that she is a "not bad" author and that I liked her writing.
28. Kindred by Octavia Butler
In the midst of her 26th birthday celebration, Dana, a black woman living in 1976 L.A., finds herself abruptly transported to a slave plantation in the antebellum South. She continues to be rocketed between the time periods and left to reckon with her place in both. Butler’s trademark realism makes this a gripping and unforgettable read.
—Mariella G.
- extracted from buzzfeed.
Previously, during my university times ( T.T, I feel so old now that I have completed my official graduation) I did a module on Monsters in Literature and Film. One of the literature we were required to read for the module was Fledging by Octavia Bulter.
Through the module, I discovered Octavia and liked her style of writing and found it unique that it is from a perspective of a black woman. Not that I am racist, but I believe that Octavia may have experienced some racism growing up or being around and it was reflected in her writing. Which was really interesting as it touches on some topics of how we treat people of colour and how people of colour would feel and though about in some of her writings. Which I find quite relevant as I am living in Singapore, a multiracial country with people from all ethnicity and religion living harmoniously.
In Fledging, it is about a genetically modified black vampire girl whom is immune to sunlight due to her skin colour. In the story, her family was hunted down and destroyed due to their attempts in unconventional vampire creation, where by some of the communities in the book, is a threat and repulsive as it degrades the vampire's "purity" and "superiority". In the story, the girl has to prove to the people whom hunted her family down that she is a "better version" of their community and that it is not a derogatory of their kind.
What I liked about Octavia was it her stories are quite unconventional (a different kind of vampire in Fledging as compared to the "conventional" pale skin handsome vampire in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series) also, it touches on racism. I felt that for a person to write stories like Fledging, she must have been through quite a bit to come up with that perspective where the young girl have to prove to all the adults and officials that she is of no harm and that she is just like them. Which makes me ponder about how we and the society are treating people now. And how a general misconception may affect the recipients.
So far, I have only read Fledging. Seeing that her other books were recommended by buzzfeed, I am certain that her writings are worth a read.
Tuesday, 19 July 2016
Quote of the week
Hi again,
I just want to share with you a quote that i read off instagram which I find it really meaningful.
I just want to share with you a quote that i read off instagram which I find it really meaningful.
Do not compare someone else's chapter 20 to your chapter 1.All the best to everyone in whatever you do. ^^
Saturday, 16 July 2016
Troubles of a job hunter
Hi.
It has been 1 full month of my official unemployment.
I have ended my internship on the 10th June. Went on a holiday for 1 week and returned on the 18th June.
I started sending applications immediately after I got back to Singapore.
The total number of applications I sent till this day is probably 30 applications? Mostly through online portals such as jobstreet and jobsDB.
But I've not received any calls for interviews yet.
This month has been a never ending cycle of waking up at 10 in the morning, having lunch, sometimes going out with friends, doing some calligraphy work in the night till 2 in the morning and restarting the cycle again.
It is mundane, aimless, but with lots of freedom.
But this freedom is not for everyone and should not continue long term.
If I am not wrong, this is the first time that I had so much freedom.
In the past, on every holiday, I would work part time. or participate in some school activities to fill up my days. This is the first where my main objective of waking up daily is to do whatever I want.
It was nice and enjoyable when this freedom persists for one or two weeks.
However, its has been almost a month now.
The stress and reality of not working, not having something to look forward to daily hits.
I mean like, why is it so hard to find a job?
- Poor economy
- Hiring managers need time to review the resumes
- My resume sucks
- I do not have the relevant skills
- Too many fresh graduates out there
- Everybody has a degree, employers want someone with 10 years of experience
- My job expections are too high, --> I want a good environment, decent pay, good learning experience.
I do not know who can I turn to for help. Approaching the staff in my school's career office may not help much. They will most probably just vet my resume, tell me sites where I can send my resumes.
Which, to be honest, does not help much.
Nevertheless,
I am really really glad that I have supportive parents that does not give me additional stress to my unemployment and still give my pocket money.I am also glad that I worked part time previously and have enough savings to last me for quite sometime.
For now, I guess all I can do is to just wish myself luck in my job hunt and hope for the best.
good luck to all job hunters out there as well.
It has been 1 full month of my official unemployment.
I have ended my internship on the 10th June. Went on a holiday for 1 week and returned on the 18th June.
I started sending applications immediately after I got back to Singapore.
The total number of applications I sent till this day is probably 30 applications? Mostly through online portals such as jobstreet and jobsDB.
But I've not received any calls for interviews yet.
This month has been a never ending cycle of waking up at 10 in the morning, having lunch, sometimes going out with friends, doing some calligraphy work in the night till 2 in the morning and restarting the cycle again.
It is mundane, aimless, but with lots of freedom.
But this freedom is not for everyone and should not continue long term.
If I am not wrong, this is the first time that I had so much freedom.
In the past, on every holiday, I would work part time. or participate in some school activities to fill up my days. This is the first where my main objective of waking up daily is to do whatever I want.
It was nice and enjoyable when this freedom persists for one or two weeks.
However, its has been almost a month now.
The stress and reality of not working, not having something to look forward to daily hits.
I mean like, why is it so hard to find a job?
- Poor economy
- Hiring managers need time to review the resumes
- My resume sucks
- I do not have the relevant skills
- Too many fresh graduates out there
- Everybody has a degree, employers want someone with 10 years of experience
- My job expections are too high, --> I want a good environment, decent pay, good learning experience.
I do not know who can I turn to for help. Approaching the staff in my school's career office may not help much. They will most probably just vet my resume, tell me sites where I can send my resumes.
Which, to be honest, does not help much.
Nevertheless,
I am really really glad that I have supportive parents that does not give me additional stress to my unemployment and still give my pocket money.
good luck to all job hunters out there as well.
Tuesday, 12 July 2016
dating, a life mission?
Hi readers,
I am pondering about life again, while watching my korean dramas, fantasizing about a those korean-drama-like-romance that will never occur in real life.
I was just thinking and realised that other than being unemployed, I am actually VERY single. I haven't gotten attached for years. Looking at my peers having someone to text everyday all day, someone to hang out with during the weekends, I am honestly jealous.
A little about me, I only had one past relationship in my secondary school. After secondary school, I went to Polytechnic, and university. Through these years, I have not gotten into a relationship. I have been to several first dates, but none went on to the second.
I am pondering about life again, while watching my korean dramas, fantasizing about a those korean-drama-like-romance that will never occur in real life.
I was just thinking and realised that other than being unemployed, I am actually VERY single. I haven't gotten attached for years. Looking at my peers having someone to text everyday all day, someone to hang out with during the weekends, I am honestly jealous.
A little about me, I only had one past relationship in my secondary school. After secondary school, I went to Polytechnic, and university. Through these years, I have not gotten into a relationship. I have been to several first dates, but none went on to the second.
Am I that weird that no one wants to date me?
Or is it just that I am not putting in any effort?
Couple of weeks back, I met up with my uni friend and we were just chatting about random stuff. One of the topics we talked about was relationships and my friend was saying "why isn't *male friend's name* in a relationship?". Where she meant that our friend was quite decent looking, and nice too, why wasn't he dating someone. My friend also mentioned that I am "the dating kind". I don't really know what she meant by that.
But seriously, why ain't I dating?
I am single and available for probably 5 years already? since my last relationship and there are so many people that I know that can get into relationships within months.
Then why is my success rate so low?
Honestly, I really want to date, and meet someone special. Get married, have kids, while having a good job. Is that too much to ask for?
I seriously think that it is the education system that I am in where academics are of high importance where I am so successful is abandoning all my other life missions and focus on my academics.
What's the use of a nice bachelor's degree when I am a failure in life!
- No job
- No partner
- No social life
I think the "traditional" asian culture also has a part to play in my failure in life.
Where I guess I am old fashioned in a way where I tend to let the males take the first step in relationship. Like comeon! We are in 2016, why am I so old fashioned? hahaha.
But there isn't someone around me that I consider dating to the point where I will take initiative to ask him out. Or may be I am not ready?
I just don't know. My life is a mess.
Unemployed, no life, no nothing.
*end of rant*
Saturday, 9 July 2016
Hi everyone!
I thought I would write something different today.
While waiting for potential employers to contact me, I have been reading quite a bit, watching quite a bit of drama and stuff. And I have a webtoon that I would like to recommend my readers to read!
The webtoon is... ...
ORANGE MARMALADE!!
I thought I would write something different today.
While waiting for potential employers to contact me, I have been reading quite a bit, watching quite a bit of drama and stuff. And I have a webtoon that I would like to recommend my readers to read!
The webtoon is... ...
ORANGE MARMALADE!!
I have been reading this webtoon via the WEBTOON app.
The app is free on app store and google play. ^^
Well, actually to be honest, I am extremely budget or "cheapskate" . I will go for anything free. :X
and you know what's the best part?
You can download it at home and read it offline!!
Also, the app allows you to download the whole series all at once. So you can read 1, 10 or even 100 episodes at once!
I feel that it is a major advantage especially if you have a small data plan. You can read it on the train, or while waiting for whoever. Or even read it on the plane!! You know, we students or cheapskate people, we will try to save our money by taking budget airlines. but the major downside is that you don't have in flight entertainment, and webtoon can solve it for you! As you can download all the episodes and read them even when your phone is on airplane mode!
So anyways, back to the webtoon I want to recommend.
ORANGE MARMALADE.
Overview
It is about a female vampire high school student that has fallen in love with a human boy who is OBSESSED with her till he found out her true identify as a vampire. As the human boy hates vampires as his mum ran away with a vampire, abandoning him with his biological human dad.
However, their love for each other was so strong, it becomes a whole emotional roller coaster when he found out that she is a vampire.
What I love about this series
I recommend my friends and you readers out there to read this series as I feel that the emotions of the characters are well portrayed, and that it is such an emotional roller coaster when you read it.
Will you believe it if I said that i actually cried while reading this?
If this web series can make me cry reading it, it definitely proves that it is nice. haha. If not I would not even bother reading it.
In addition, at every episode, it is a cliff hanger. Which, to be honest, it is quite annoying. However, the story is so interesting that it makes you want to continue reading it!
So ya. READ ORANGE MARMALADE! hahaha.
If you have any books, manga, shows that you recommend, PLEASE leave a comment below. ^^
See you in the next post! bye.
Wednesday, 6 July 2016
it is already the 4th week.
Hi again.
The sudden realisation hit me HARD. That I am still unemployed, wasting my life and it is week 4.
This is evidence that the economy is really bad. oh dears.
But somehow, I do not feel stressed about it. But instead, I am actually very comfortable with life as an unemployed person. As I can do what I want, when I want.
I don't think I have relaxed so much before and picking up hobbies while wasting my life away.
And also, I have met up with my friends from other faculties recently, and they are also having trouble with job search. So I guess it isn't just me?
The job hunt journey is definitely STRESSFUL and TIRING. I am really glad that my parents are supporting me financially and does not give me extra stress during my job search.
The sudden realisation hit me HARD. That I am still unemployed, wasting my life and it is week 4.
This is evidence that the economy is really bad. oh dears.
But somehow, I do not feel stressed about it. But instead, I am actually very comfortable with life as an unemployed person. As I can do what I want, when I want.
I don't think I have relaxed so much before and picking up hobbies while wasting my life away.
And also, I have met up with my friends from other faculties recently, and they are also having trouble with job search. So I guess it isn't just me?
The job hunt journey is definitely STRESSFUL and TIRING. I am really glad that my parents are supporting me financially and does not give me extra stress during my job search.
Friday, 1 July 2016
pointless, meaningless, jobless
Hi its me again.
I was just looking back at my older posts from the dinosaur era.
I was just looking back at my older posts from the dinosaur era.
And I realised that I AM STILL THE SAME! Where I will come and blog when I am bored to write. I supposed that blogging provides me with a venue to share my thoughts when all my friends are busy and give me time to reflect and pen down my thoughts. I guess a part of me likes writing/blogging as well as there is no restrictions to what I needed to do or deadlines. It is all up to me!
Recently, I have been helping my sister vet some parts of an article, just checking her language and giving some suggestions on what else she can write. She is a freelance writer. I supposed it is quite fun to write freelance, it allows me to read up and do some research on topics I wouldn't even look at myself.
I guess I may go be a freelance writer as well. But I don't know where and how to start.
Wednesday, 29 June 2016
job search is hard and stressful
Hi everyone.
Yes. I have finally completed my bachelors and I have ended my official education.
However, in all the joy of not having to sit 2 hours for a paper, there is this cold brutal truth of job search and entering the adult world.
Where parents stop giving pocket money or allowances, the financial burden kicks in.
I have completed my education and I am 2 weeks into unemployment with ZERO income. So basically, I am living off my savings right now. Every bus ride, every train ride, every MEAL costs money and hurts my heart a little as I do not have income.
Luckily for me, my parents were understanding. They still gave me some allowance during this time while I search for a full time job. I love my parents and thank them for understanding my situation.
I don't know if it is my upbringing or is it just the stress that i put onto my self. These two weeks was torturous. With nothing to look forward to daily, I wake up at 11am ( yes, 11am), have some brunch, go watch a few episodes of Kdrama, apply some jobs online if I am feeling stressed about unemployment, chat with my other unemployed friends have dinner, watch more shows, practice calligraphy, watch more shows and finally sleep at 2 am.
One thing I don't understand is why blogger.com doesn't help me make my "I"s and the first alphabet of each sentence capital letter. KIDDING.
What I do not understand is WHY IS JOB SEARCH SO HARD AND SO STRESSFUL. WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG TO FIND A FULL TIME JOB.
Well, I understand that employers need time to do other stuff other than looking at resumes, but I really did not expect such a painful wait. Also, I feel that Singapore's education system do not train us well enough for the workforce. Well, at least for the education I received. Like I didn't know what to expect for job search, I did not know that interviews will be such a painful thing.
I have been to a few interviews before my graduation. 3 to be exact. But obviously none of them got back to me with a job offer hence the post :S. There was ONE interview that was traumatizing where the hiring manager drilled my full education process and drilled me for each and every one of my education choice and internship choice and drilled me on WHY I WANT THE JOB.
I understand where they are coming from. But from my stand, I just want a job to pay the bills and I am alright with the job scope and hence my application. I wasn't expecting a fancy thing, I just want a simple life.
That interview was TAUNTING. I swear that I was traumatized by it and I didn't apply any other jobs for 2 weeks as I was too scared and traumatized by the earlier interview. I wasn't mentally prepared to face another interview soon.
Now, after I have officially completed my studies, I am really bored of unemployment life. I want to look forward to something daily. I want a job. I want to have some meaning in life, something to wake up to.
sometimes i wish i didnt graduate and be an adult yet.
Yes. I have finally completed my bachelors and I have ended my official education.
Say no to:
-LECTURES
-TESTS
- EXAMS!!
However, in all the joy of not having to sit 2 hours for a paper, there is this cold brutal truth of job search and entering the adult world.
Where parents stop giving pocket money or allowances, the financial burden kicks in.
- RESPONSIBILITIES
-PHONE BILLS
-STUDENT LOANS
-DAILY EXPENSES
I have completed my education and I am 2 weeks into unemployment with ZERO income. So basically, I am living off my savings right now. Every bus ride, every train ride, every MEAL costs money and hurts my heart a little as I do not have income.
Luckily for me, my parents were understanding. They still gave me some allowance during this time while I search for a full time job. I love my parents and thank them for understanding my situation.
I don't know if it is my upbringing or is it just the stress that i put onto my self. These two weeks was torturous. With nothing to look forward to daily, I wake up at 11am ( yes, 11am), have some brunch, go watch a few episodes of Kdrama, apply some jobs online if I am feeling stressed about unemployment, chat with my other unemployed friends have dinner, watch more shows, practice calligraphy, watch more shows and finally sleep at 2 am.
One thing I don't understand is why blogger.com doesn't help me make my "I"s and the first alphabet of each sentence capital letter. KIDDING.
What I do not understand is WHY IS JOB SEARCH SO HARD AND SO STRESSFUL. WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG TO FIND A FULL TIME JOB.
Well, I understand that employers need time to do other stuff other than looking at resumes, but I really did not expect such a painful wait. Also, I feel that Singapore's education system do not train us well enough for the workforce. Well, at least for the education I received. Like I didn't know what to expect for job search, I did not know that interviews will be such a painful thing.
I have been to a few interviews before my graduation. 3 to be exact. But obviously none of them got back to me with a job offer hence the post :S. There was ONE interview that was traumatizing where the hiring manager drilled my full education process and drilled me for each and every one of my education choice and internship choice and drilled me on WHY I WANT THE JOB.
I understand where they are coming from. But from my stand, I just want a job to pay the bills and I am alright with the job scope and hence my application. I wasn't expecting a fancy thing, I just want a simple life.
That interview was TAUNTING. I swear that I was traumatized by it and I didn't apply any other jobs for 2 weeks as I was too scared and traumatized by the earlier interview. I wasn't mentally prepared to face another interview soon.
Now, after I have officially completed my studies, I am really bored of unemployment life. I want to look forward to something daily. I want a job. I want to have some meaning in life, something to wake up to.
Sunday, 7 December 2014
inspired by
I have this recent obsession with EXO, a korean boy band, as mentioned in my previous post and I just want to share this quote that I got that is truely amazing so I can remember it instead of it being lost in my tweet history.
Anyways, you can follow me on twitter @questionmarkyee ! but I tweet mainly regarding kpop and rage tweets when I need to complain. my blog, i guess is more for reflection and more mature stuff. well, thats what I aim to be anyways.
.
.
anyways, here's the quote
I guess I could say that it really made me more focus without my daily dose of EXO on my Tlist.
I hope that you can by inspired by this quote too and focus and achieve more!
good luck!
Anyways, you can follow me on twitter @questionmarkyee ! but I tweet mainly regarding kpop and rage tweets when I need to complain. my blog, i guess is more for reflection and more mature stuff. well, thats what I aim to be anyways.
.
.
anyways, here's the quote
Don't make EXO the reason of your study failures. Make us your INSPIRATION, not your DESTRUCTION, because of your OBSESSION. - Kai, EXOI dont know when did he say this. but i saw this on twitter previously during before my examinations and it motivated me to delete my twitter app on my phone and focus on my studies. haha!
I guess I could say that it really made me more focus without my daily dose of EXO on my Tlist.
I hope that you can by inspired by this quote too and focus and achieve more!
good luck!
Wednesday, 3 December 2014
what am i doing with my life?
Has it ever occur to you that you are a no lifer?
I am experiencing that right now.
My friends has various post exam activities and me?
Nothing.
No plans at all.
Well, I have plans to go overseas, but other than that, nothing.
Have you ever compared yourself to various celebrities you see on the television, online, youtube etc and envied them?
Recently I have been hooked up to EXO, a korean boy band.
Well, they are around the same age as me but yet they have achieved a million times more than me.
It makes me envious and depressed.
It is not that I am giving myself too much pressure, but the world is like that.
I guess.
How did everyone else achieve so much and i achieved so little?
I have no life, I am stuck at home with no friends to go out with, stuck with this world of internet.
~just a random and quick reflection.
Monday, 25 February 2013
cheap thrills
hello~~~!!!
for the past few days, I've noticed a sudden jump in my blog views and I would like to say thank you to you, my fellow random readers.
Anyways, my final exam and last paper is in two days time and I will unofficially graduated in two days time!! hurray!! I really need this break!!.. :) I cant wait for it!
another update about my personal life other than the unofficial graduation is that i have decided to leave my choir soon. due to various reasons. firstly is because my parents are against the idea of my participation in choir since forever and their stand became stronger after i mentioned that my choir is going overseas and i want to go with them. next is because i do not find the same joy and passion in singing as compared to a couple of years back. (i love nail polish more haha!) and also, the commitments of being in the choir is increasing where i do not just go and sing for fun only, there is also the financial stress and vocal stress. as in i need to take up lessons vocally. such that being in the choir is, i would say STRESSFUL when my intention was to have fun, to have a life other than school or work. but its like another set of commitment like having double work, double school. like are you crazy?? i am a superwoman but i cant cope with so much work and stress!... ...
so ya i have decided to quit.
and just to digress, they should have a auto caps like the phones when we write online. because i dont press shift and caps my first letter of my sentence neither do i caps for the work i.! so you are reading my blog in all small letters. :) because i am lazy. :X
okay back to topic to why i am blogging.
drum rolls pleaseeeeee.. ....
.
.
.
I HAVE FOUND A SITE THAT BRINGS CIATE TO SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!
feel so happy when i found the site because i fell in love with the beautiful beautiful ciate bottles when i saw it on youtube with their carviar tutorial. they look so delicate and beautiful seriously.. ...
anyways i want to have at least 1 bottles of them in my collection and 2 bottles of deborah lippmann. i love love the colour Mermaid's Dream and Stairway to Heaven and the description of Stairway to Heaven is "iridescent icicle (glitter)" iridescent... ... the word reminds me of my aquaculture class.
so anyways. i want them!! they are SOOO PRETTY!!!.. can anyone sponsor me??
because they are relatively pricey. :S as compared to OPI or china glaze sold here in singapore. :S.. i can buy 2-3 bottles of OPI for the price of one deborrah lippmann. :/
when i am richer i guess..
anyways, my mum's friend went to korea and bought three nail polishes for me. i will post them up in another post with swatches after my exams. and they are SUPER CHEAP! the normal nail polish is 1000won which is approximately S$1.20 i guess and the crackled nail polish is approximately S$5!! super cheap!! but i am not sure if their quality is comparable to OPI or china glaze.
so yup that's it for today's post. :) continue to visit and i will try my very best to blog as often as possible!
for the past few days, I've noticed a sudden jump in my blog views and I would like to say thank you to you, my fellow random readers.
Anyways, my final exam and last paper is in two days time and I will unofficially graduated in two days time!! hurray!! I really need this break!!.. :) I cant wait for it!
another update about my personal life other than the unofficial graduation is that i have decided to leave my choir soon. due to various reasons. firstly is because my parents are against the idea of my participation in choir since forever and their stand became stronger after i mentioned that my choir is going overseas and i want to go with them. next is because i do not find the same joy and passion in singing as compared to a couple of years back. (i love nail polish more haha!) and also, the commitments of being in the choir is increasing where i do not just go and sing for fun only, there is also the financial stress and vocal stress. as in i need to take up lessons vocally. such that being in the choir is, i would say STRESSFUL when my intention was to have fun, to have a life other than school or work. but its like another set of commitment like having double work, double school. like are you crazy?? i am a superwoman but i cant cope with so much work and stress!... ...
so ya i have decided to quit.
and just to digress, they should have a auto caps like the phones when we write online. because i dont press shift and caps my first letter of my sentence neither do i caps for the work i.! so you are reading my blog in all small letters. :) because i am lazy. :X
okay back to topic to why i am blogging.
drum rolls pleaseeeeee.. ....
.
.
.
I HAVE FOUND A SITE THAT BRINGS CIATE TO SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!
feel so happy when i found the site because i fell in love with the beautiful beautiful ciate bottles when i saw it on youtube with their carviar tutorial. they look so delicate and beautiful seriously.. ...
anyways i want to have at least 1 bottles of them in my collection and 2 bottles of deborah lippmann. i love love the colour Mermaid's Dream and Stairway to Heaven and the description of Stairway to Heaven is "iridescent icicle (glitter)" iridescent... ... the word reminds me of my aquaculture class.
so anyways. i want them!! they are SOOO PRETTY!!!.. can anyone sponsor me??
because they are relatively pricey. :S as compared to OPI or china glaze sold here in singapore. :S.. i can buy 2-3 bottles of OPI for the price of one deborrah lippmann. :/
when i am richer i guess..
anyways, my mum's friend went to korea and bought three nail polishes for me. i will post them up in another post with swatches after my exams. and they are SUPER CHEAP! the normal nail polish is 1000won which is approximately S$1.20 i guess and the crackled nail polish is approximately S$5!! super cheap!! but i am not sure if their quality is comparable to OPI or china glaze.
so yup that's it for today's post. :) continue to visit and i will try my very best to blog as often as possible!
Saturday, 16 February 2013
Another nail post
Hello!!
I'm supposed to revise my work but I just don't have the mood to study! So I shall post up another nail art I did previously! :)
This is rainbow nails where I used assorted nail polishes from various brands and use a dotting tool to creates the groves of each colour. This is a relatively tedious design where u have to layer the colours one by one,dot by dot. But it looks amazing... ... I did it last holiday when I had more spare time for my own manicure designs.. :)
And a little update about my personal life. I've just applied for university.. Sent my application n paid the application fee already. I've yet to submit my relevant documents but will most probably settle it on Monday :) good luck to my application !! And good luck to any of you out there reading my blog and applying for college now or soon ! :)
I'm supposed to revise my work but I just don't have the mood to study! So I shall post up another nail art I did previously! :)
This is rainbow nails where I used assorted nail polishes from various brands and use a dotting tool to creates the groves of each colour. This is a relatively tedious design where u have to layer the colours one by one,dot by dot. But it looks amazing... ... I did it last holiday when I had more spare time for my own manicure designs.. :)
And a little update about my personal life. I've just applied for university.. Sent my application n paid the application fee already. I've yet to submit my relevant documents but will most probably settle it on Monday :) good luck to my application !! And good luck to any of you out there reading my blog and applying for college now or soon ! :)
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
cny and vday nails!
Hello! Long time since I've blogged and I suddenly feel like blogging so I am blogging! Hahaha!
So anyways I did my cny cum vday nails!! It's rlly easy to do! Just cut some heart shapes on some tape, any tape. N use it as a stencil!! U can refer to thebeautydepartment or Michelle phan for tutorials! :) but do take note that if your tape is too sticky, fiddle with it till it isn't super sticky! Coz sticky tapes will peal off your semi dry nails which is something you would want :-\
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